Frustrated and annoyed,
Uncomfortable feelings that fill me while waiting,
For what is nothing but a hi, or just to know you are alive,
Words and kind gestures are alien to me, when it wasn’t that long when I was swimming in love, affectionate and loving to all that knew me.
Me. Frustrated and upset
As stupid as it is, nothing seems to make sense.
Am I right to feel this way? Or am I just impatient?
Am I just wishing for something that never comes or just hoping that you would prove me right?
Right there. Buddle into a day or so…
But why does it feel like every gesture, every romantic thing you do fails and falls apart without anything to show for it?
And apparently, all of this was to show that you love me.
Then is your love as faded as your ideas and hopes?
Is your love depended on my mood and the days I am the happiest and I feel like a queen? Is it?
As much as hope is what I cling to, doubt creeps in.
Unsure whether or not that day will come. That day where I am shown how special, how amazing I am to you beyond words, beyond touch.
Just for that day. Just one day…
But all I do day after day is waiting for you. Wait for your arrival, prepare, rehearse, practise. For you. Fighting my emotions and holding back to sadness and wondering, is this really my worth?
Frustrated and annoyed.
Beyond just those words, they wrap around me and I feel myself getting grumpy and annoyed to a point your I love you doesn’t move me.
I mean, it’s nice but all I have is a thank you. But where are you? Thank you, but what am I to you? Thank you but WHY does your love depend on things that are the opposite of you?
They all fade away, just like most gifts from you.
Your value is yours,
Not defined by any other,
Not sublimed by others perspective,
Whatever they want to add with a –tive
Like no other, stand up tall,
Curls and all
Glowing but that not all that lies beneath you
Skin so beautiful,
But not as beautiful as the soul,
Created, a replica of God’s creation made whole.
Your value lies deep within you, not in the hands of another.