The world is noisy and busy; I need to find some space in a corner.
The world is full of hate and envy; my little corner gives me some solace.
The world is competitive and exploitative; my aloneness seems to shield me.
When I frown in my corner, I smile to the world;
When I starve in my corner, I protrude my belly to the world;
When I am conflicted in my aloneness, I offer the sign of peace to the world.
I am a deceiver, and I am deceived.
I have a single story of the world — this negative report I have held on to.
I see darkness as it is, and light as darkness in disguise.
I see tears as they are, and laughter as tearless wailing.
My “Fine” answers to the “How are you?” questions are cliches —
They never reveal the truth of my seclusion.
In my escape from hate, I miss love.
Oh, what loss befalls me!
What are my next steps? Justify my actions? Or acknowledge my wrongs?
Should I keep sinking in this quicksand of depression, or should I cry out for help?
Hey, my phone just beeped; it`s another “How are you?” question…
I type “I`m f…”, I delete.
I type “I`m depre…”, I delete
“But does she really want to know?” I ask myself.
“She probably expects a single answer,” I soliloquize.
Just as I type and delete, she moves on to other issues.
“I knew it!” I said to myself, “She never cared to know.”
Leave me in my aloneness, the world is full of selfishness!
“But she could have her problems too,” I thought aloud, “Even worse than yours, maybe”
“That`s a possibility, you know?” A supporting thought followed.
So this is me daily — intrapersonal debates and resolutions.
I am a loner.
My gestures, my expressions, my affirmations, — all prevarication!
Oh, solitude! Dear solitude, an enemy like a friend!
In you, I have found no real joy, only the idea of joy you have made me believe.
Depart from me, dear solitude; or perhaps I should rephrase:
I will depart from you, dear solitude.
My heart desires a companion,
To whom I can pour it out often.
Introversion is a complication to resolve,
And resolve it, I will.
To solitude, I kiss goodbye.
Will I miss you? Sure!
Do I need you? Maybe not as much as I have had you.
The world is noisy and busy; I will occasionally seek some space in a corner.
© Akinsiwaju Sanya