A Bachelor’s Diary [Part 1]

Prologue

This piece is for anyone who desires a life partner, or is in the selection process for someone to do life together with, whether with short or long term goals. 

It is for the fallen soldier who has been put to sleep on the laps of Delilah.

It is for the box checker who has relationship goals.

It is for every human who has romantic feelings towards another. 

Disclaimer: Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Love…

Love, the unequivocal, stupendous, heart-warming feeling people say they get from their romantic lovers has for long eluded me.

Soldiers come and go, leaving the barracks more dilapidated than ever.

Each troop makes recruitment tougher for the next.

The next comes with unpredictable tactics, even worsening the condition of the barracks. 

Love becomes an illusion. The relationships: nightmares.

Memories of emotional battering linger.

When will a bachelor find love?

A Trip Down Memory Lane…

Ailsa was an inexperienced soldier. She always nagged about the battle. I considered her unfit. Perhaps some more patience would have fixed the situation. But I let her go.

Karen loved the attention I gave, she said my care was second to none. She loved me when I did not love her, and I had lost her when I eventually thought I loved her. We had a mismatch in our love timing.  She had to leave the barracks.

Sayo wasn’t ready for the battle. She only admired the uniform and loved the idea of toying with the gun. But you can’t be a civilian and a militarian at the same time. She had to leave.

Adeline’s recruitment was different. It happened one of those nights of sheer excitement. “Dare me to approach her…I’ll show you that I can.” So she got recruited. But as expected, because she didn’t follow the proper recruitment process, her appointment was terminated early. Her goals weren’t the same as those of the armed forces. Better expressed as: the general lost focus on the goals of the armed forces while recruiting her.

Lydia was ready to usurp Adeline. In fact, she did. But you see, she left the way she came. She didn’t last. Her recruitment was faulty. It was filled with secrecy.

Should I keep listing soldiers that have come and gone? Believe me, it’s an amazingly long list.

A Word for the General…

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Have you considered the inconsistency of your personnel?

Could it be that the barracks is inhabitable?

Or have you been recruiting incompatible soldiers?

Dear barracks, what are the basis of your recruitment?

Eloquence?

Looks?

Intelligence?

Are the criteria for recruitment on a par with the battle ahead?

Have you forgotten, dear barracks, that there is a recruitment manual?

At what point did you abandon this manual?

Did you for once remember that this battle is not about you?

That the entire institution is above you?

That these choice aren’t solely dependent on you?

Have you pondered over the consequences of this incessant recruitment malpractice?

Are you willing to turn a new leaf?

Will you go by the requirements of the armed forces in your next and final recruitment?

Do you remember that the barracks that recruits properly finds a good thing and obtains favour from the headquarters?

Do you not see what becomes of mismatched soldiers?

Do you want destruction to befall you?

Think, barracks, think commander.

About the Next Recruitment…

Dear Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces,

Here is a letter from one of your generals.

It is obvious that I cannot fight the battles ahead alone.

I hereby ask that you send a soldier trained from the headquarters.

My recruitment process has been a failure time and again.

You know the entire army, our strengths, weaknesses, and commitment to this battle.

I await the posting from the headquarters.

Yours sincerely,

General Bachelor

A Response from the Commander-in-Chief…

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General Bachelor, it is with utmost joy that I receive your letter.

I have, through my surveillance, seen your many misdeeds.

I see how you consistently pollute the barracks, in utter disrespect to the armed forces.

I see how you show outright disregard to the recruitment process.

I see your confused and helpless state.

I see the battles you have lost as a result of your choices.

General, you abandoned the ammunition I gave to you.

You completely neglected the decree.

You didn’t even consult the military intelligence.

I sent missiles to get your attention,

I sent soldiers to guide you,

I ordered parades,

But none of these called you back from the path of destruction.

I am glad that you finally reached out, General.

As you know, it is I, the commander-in-chief, that teaches the hands to war, and fingers to fight.

I know the soldier you need to make a team, for I know all things, as no one, and nothing hides from my surveillance.

Relax, General; I’ve got you covered.

Don’t bother about your preference. I know your taste, however, it doesn’t matter much in this battle.

Yes, I mean it. Forget about the heavy breastplate and attractive boots; I will dress your companion myself. She will be internally and externally fit for this fight.

Again, General, I’ve got your back.

Just keep your signals active. I will send the instructions you need.

Please note that you are not permitted to fall out; remain in my presence, General.

With love,

Commander-in-chief of the armed forces.

The General Replies…

I apologise, dear Commander, for flouting the decree of the armed forces.

I am glad you receive me with joy. I know I deserve some guardroom punishment;

I appreciate your love, Commander.

How could I have thought you didn’t see me through your surveillance all this while? So foolish of me!

I have indeed been confused and helpless.

And sincerely, I have lost battles.

I have polluted the barracks.

I ignored every attempt you made to call me to order.

I am willing to follow instructions.

I ask that you prepare me for the battle as I await my comrade.

I ask that you prepare us for each other.

I acknowledge that it is not good that I am alone.

I need a comrade suitable for me.

Because alone, I may chase a thousand, but my comrade and I, together,  will chase 10,000 because you, the commander-in-chief, are in charge.

Lots of love,

Your repentant general

© Akinsiwaju Sanya

Connect with me via Twitter: @AkinsiwajuSanya

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